The last of the interview calls (Part I) - By Pallab Roy (Guest Author)

(This is the first part of a three part article which will be published every thursday)


Another week and I am back writing about things that really don’t matter (ignore the advise at your own risk though.) So I have worked my a$$ off preparing for the M.B.A entrance exams and my hard work has finally paid off. Of course that didn’t seem the case when I was waiting for my results. And then D day arrived all of a sudden. I can recount all my emotions in chronological order. First bated breath, then irregular heart beats, then server crash and then………..

“ Sorry you have not been selected”

Six words that sent me plunging into the abyss of darkness. However with a lot of support from my family and a couple of trips to the local pub (strictly confidential) I somehow bring myself out of this chasm of despair. Presently I regain my good humour buoyed by a vague recollection that that I had somehow fared better in the other entrances. And then come D day the second………darkness strikes again. Lady luck seems to be on vacation and astrological consultations seem to suggest that even my fate is shouting encore. And so darkness strikes again, and again, and again. Infact I get so used to all this that I drop the idea of being an M.B.A all together and start scouting for alternative sources of employment. Suddenly rickshaw pulling seems like an attractive profession, and I also have this very strong intuition that with my natural good looks I should be able to seduce some rich young lady and then live off her father’s wealth. Just when my transformation to a thoroughly unscrupulous individual is about to be complete, fate decides to play another game with me, and so one day I am pleasantly shocked by not one, neither two, but three interview letters landing up at my place (for discretionary purpose I have decided to call them institute X, institute Y and institute Z.) However this presents a huge dilemma for me as I had given up my preparation altogether and feel massively out of touch. My miseries are compounded by the fact that the first interview is less than 20 days away. However being one with a never-say-die attitude (unless you are stone dead) I got down to the business of preparation and work extensively on my BIO data. I read up all the text books on biology, read about bio diversity, biological warfare, what the heck even bio gas and finally feeling satisfied that I have collected enough data I am ready for the interview day.

On the day of the interview I dress up appropriately and reach the institute. Of course once there I behave like a certified G.O.S.O.E (God’s Own Shit On Earth). Disdainful eyes scour the horizon and having satisfied my self that most of the competition is dirt, I contemplate on the three words upper most on my mind……….

“Bring it on”.

The interview seems to be a rather tricky affair. Intelligent and apparently confident looking men come out of the interview room between sobs and even the naievest looking woman would come out of the interview room with a big smile on her face.

(something fishy going on I tell you)

At last it is my turn to go in for the interview. I stride in confidently but am taken aback a bit. The initial impression is that I have entered a museum and across me on the other side of the room I see eight of the most magnificent statues of the ancient world (no doubt predating the Harappan civilisation). So lifelike, so sublime. Presently one of the statues budges and I realise that this is my interview panel. A closer inspection reveals all of them to be men (suddenly the sobs and the smile start to make a lot of sense). The statue, er I mean the interviewer in the middle (I presume he is the head interviewer) nods his head indicating me to sit and then he starts looking at my C.V. It is more in the nature of meditating I should say and just when I am convinced that he had fallen asleep bing comes a question.

“Why do you want to be an M.B.A?”

Oldest trick in the book. I remembered the advice I had received for dealing with such situations. When faced with such a question always be honest. I replied,

“Well I am a B.A (Bachelor of Arts). Of course an M.B.A was the logical thing to do as it looks a lot more matching on my C.V (B.A-M.B.A got it). Plus I get to drink on the job (how do you expect me to get those mergers thru) and get paid mostly for doing nothing. As doing nothing is sure to get me fired I will end up with an even bigger severance pay. So I win both ways.”

My disarming honesty seems to have taken them by surprise. They murmur amongst themselves and then one of them blurts out,

“What are your views on managers and multi tasking?”

I reply,” For someone who has no problems juggling six different dates on the same day, multi tasking, at least for me is child’s play.”

There is growing uneasiness among the interview panel. Suddenly the head interviewer asks me are you so and so’s brother. I reply in the affirmative. There is a stunned silence. Then the interviewer lets out a weird gurgling noise from his throat, springs up from his chair, makes a dash for the window at the back of the room and jumps clean out of the window.(I was being interviewed on the second floor). Suddenly I recollect that my brother did talk about a remarkable interview that he had had a couple of year’s back and he always wondered as to why he wasn’t selected. I had no idea that this was the institute he was talking about. (but that’s another story)

P.S. - This author will now be doing a weekly article from this week onwards. His previous articles can be found by searching for his name in the search box on this blog.